With one purchase and submission of my ID and password I have logged into the modern world. I recently bought a lap top computer! Even my 17 year old, who is willing to testify that I am alive but brain dead, believes that dad pulled one out of the hat this time. He handed me the highest compliment a kid can give a parent these days, “Dad, can I see that? Awesome!”
The lap top has a built in camera, a first class sound system with special er, uh , stuff that allows me to listen to radio stations and play CD’s for music and even handles DVD’s for movies. With the built in camera and video capabilities (webcam) I can look at people in real time while they look at me. My mother use to call that “staring”.
The laptop can probably open the garage door and comb my hair but I have not figured that out yet. There are no messy cables for a printer or the internet because (drum roll please) its wireless! I’m always connected to the world. My little “snookums” (it’s just so cute) is about the size of a notebook and fits into a black case with a shoulder strap that projects a very European look as I stroll through the Foodlion parking lot.
Oh yea, it will do computer stuff too.
Columbus sailed to the new world without email, laptop or an internet connection relying solely on his wits, hard tack biscuits and good eyesight. But now I can prop my laptop on a nearby grocery cart and quiz Google on the finer points of spotting a good cantaloupe in the produce department. I use to think myself better than people with laptops hanging from their shoulders and now I am one. Pride goeth before a fall.
We are obsessed with the internet and keeping enormous amounts of data at our fingertips. There was a time when being an engineer, textile worker or machinist was long-term professions but those people were let go and our ability to manufacture things (my lap top was made in China) was given away by liberals-- traitorous behavior later embraced by Texas conservatives and continued by the new administration of Blame and Arrogance.
We now spew out words by the gazillion. My column demands I be a wordsmith and I pass out-of-work engineers and carpenters on my way to the newspaper office so I can add to the already trillions of words out there in the world. When the Chinese versions of “Tiny” and “Muscles” come to collect our national debt they will find people that cannot make a light bulb but have fantastic communication devices and boat loads of data. We are a nation of electronic bytes—not steel.
Some days ago my thoughts turned dark about the future and I thought it would be nice to hurl myself in front of the Norfolk Southern Railways 9:47 but I had a 10:00 dental appointment and you know how those people are if you are a no show. So later I did a live chat with a good friend that was on-line. I lamented the loss of carburetors, Roy Roger’s plastic boot drinking cups, hoboes, good manners, neighborhood newsstands and drugstore chocolate Sundaes. By the time I was through chatting I felt better, took a deep breath and went to the refrigerator for a snack.
I am now ready to fall in line like baby ducks that follow their mother down to the pond, one little duckling after the other with me bringing up the rear-- a lap top hanging from my shoulder. Awesome.
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