Recently I had lunch with two very dear friends. They were directly responsible for me writing and for my presence in this newspaper. We had a great lunch--- we caught up on each others’ family, solved the recession problem for the United States, poked fun at elected officials and marveled that government works at all. We talked about old bosses and cleaning out closets. Then it came time to say goodbye.
We walked out into the parking lot with that unhurried amble of people well fed, people with no pressing worries at the moment and I noticed we lingered. That little feeling of “goodbye” came over me and it was a sobering moment. I realized we may never do this again or be quite like we are now. I know life is pretty much a lot of partings and goodbyes stretched out over time but heck, I don’t like saying goodbye to good friends. I think most people don’t care for goodbyes. It occurred to me that we often stretch out our goodbyes by ten or fifteen minutes.
When you actually think about it we rarely say goodbye at all. We do this half-wave thing and say “yep!” or “This was so nice!” and then a little hug or a pat on the shoulder. Someone always remembers a child’s toy or a coat and has to run back into the house to get it and the conversation carries you down the steps and off the porch. We take two steps and then it’s someone’s purse or a piece of paper with a recipe jotted down on it and they have to go back to retrieve it. We keep talking, delaying the moment until someone in the car says “We have to go! C’mon!” or “We’ve got to get these kids to bed!” and the word goodbye gets lost in the second round of quick hugs and gentle arm squeezes. Someone invariably remembers something funny or a bit of gossip and has to tell it quickly over their shoulder as they walk to the car. Doors slam and the engine starts. Then we say “Drive safe! Be careful!” and before anyone can actually say “Goodbye” they back out of the driveway, everyone waves a little harder and the car roars off. You stand there for a moment as if you’re looking in the distance at something or trying to remember a lost thought but you can’t and you slowly turn and walk back inside.
I’ve had some goodbyes in my life that were real doozies-- the ones where you know that you are never going to see this person again and it hurts. You stand close and memorize their hair color, every inflection of their voice, their smell, their facial expression and you want to remember what it feels like for them to stand close to you. A feeling of loss starts in your chest and it spreads out until it fills you up completely. You try to put a positive spin on the moment and say how wonderful your time together has been but you’re just postponing the inevitable. A silence suddenly descends and “Goodbye” is said wither you speak it or not.
As I was pulling out of the parking lot I thought that eventually we will all leave everyone we meet and so maybe we should work really hard on saying “Hello” and enjoy our time together. My cell phone rang and the ID showed it to be another friend. I smiled, took a deep breath and said “Hello, buddy! How are you?”-- and I really meant it.
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